A few of you know that my musical tastes tend to lean towards the extreme (death metal and German industrial music). Words like 'Beyonce' and 'Shania Twain' are like abstract concepts to me; and if I believed in such a thing as a 'hell' after death, I imagine speakers with... (wooshing effect) "Playing the HOTTEST. HITS. of TODAY! You are listening to... (female voice, with echo) station H.E.L.L. (..ell...ell...ell...)" blasting with no volume knob. And George Bush would be the D.J. - his inability to speak above a Grade 4 level would make my head explode.
I'm giving you a 'background'.
Saturday night - I'm out with my friend Sandi in a Brooklyn bar. A few of her friends joined us.
Sandi: ...so I've had this song in my head all week and it's driving me nuts. It's the new Timbaland track.
Guy Friend: Who? Timberland? Like the boots? I don't know them.
Me: Oh Timbaland. He's worked with Justin Timberlake and is producing the next Madonna album AND WHY DO I KNOW THIS??
Sandi: You need to lay off of the web for awhile...
Me: (Holding head in hands with a look of horror on my face) ...and wash my brain in acid. Those brain cells could be doing long division right now. I don't want the words justin and timberlake anywhere in my knowledge.
Sandi: Isn't he the one who used to date Cameron Diaz?
Me: (blurting out) Now he's with Jessica Biel. I'M DOING IT AGAIN! I LOATHE JESSICA BIEL! WHY DO I KNOW THIS??
Sandi: *patting head* I know, I know - Blade:Trinity was hard for you.
Me: (head still in hands) Physics teachers should hide equations within celebrity gossip. We'd be bored with string theory by Christmas.
Sandi: You know Cameron Diaz is dating that Criss Angel guy now, right?