Booted Up

Rant: Boot fashion Fall/Winter 2008.

Like the rest of you, I nervously look forward to Fall/Winter fashion lines. Will 'they' - 'they' being the gay men designer denizens obsessed with 5'11", 110 lbs. teenage girls who model their insanely priced runway bullshit that the rest of us hope trickles down to our local shopping mall - make us happy?

Well, this season...I have to ask...WTF?!?!

There's a few designs that are OK. This post is not about that.

The glove guys are smirking - but they've earned it so we cannot begrudge them the pleasure. They've had to make do with bridal magazines and the odd prodom for the past two decades so no wonder they are happy.

Just knock off the dance of joy in front of us, OK, glove guys? We're not exactly licking our wounds - we just have the fashion equivilent of 'blue balls'. Because we're looking at the latest fashion mags, and we're getting in a righeous pissy mood.

It started with the silly Victoria Beckham abominations - that many of you emailed me about. Latex crotch-highs - custom-made if fashion gossip is to be believed. While a part of me thought it was awesome that a high-profile celeb was wearing fetish gear to a Macy's opening, the design left me cold. I need heels on crotch-highs to make me happy.

Today in Boot Fug: Linda Hamilton

AKA ' The Fuginator'.

See also: "Actresses of the 1980's and WTF did they do to their faces?!"

(Go Fug Yourself)

Today in BootFug: Courtney Love

OK - for once, I am going to disagree with the usually brilliant Ladies over at GoFugYourself.com. Yes, Courtney's outfit is a disaster - but the BOOTS are fabulous! Seriously, who made these gorgeous navy blue leather over the knee boots? I WANT them for myself!

Courtney Love. I adore this woman. Yes, I am aware of all of her faults - I didn't say that I want to spend any time alone in a room with her. I used to play Hole back when I was an all-night DJ for indie college radio, before she even met Kurt Cobain. I had two all-night shows back then: "Beautiful Music for Ugly Children" and "Aggressive Bedtime Stories" and I played stuff like Hole's first release. When I hear clueless hipster types mouth-off about how Courtney supposedly got all of her material from Cobain - I go off. She had a long established history of being a great songwriter long before he came into the picture. That accusation is not fair.

The other thing that sets me off...the double standard. Ever hear of Keith Richards? OK - maybe that's an extreme example. Comedian Denis Leary used to comment, "There are no more great drugs left! We have to wait until Keith Richards dies so we can smoke his ashes!" So think of all of the other 'rock stars' who have had, um...'problems' with certain substances. They check themselves into rehab, or die, or carry on as fabulous disasters. No matter - we, as fans, tend to forgive them as if they have a special license to fuck-up. They're ROCK STARS for Christ's sake. When they stagger across a stage and raise an almost empty bottle of Jack in salute to a stadium full of screaming fans, we go 'Hell, yeah!', like lemmings.

But when a woman does it...oh...well that's different. She's vilified in the press. She's a horrible person. A bad mother, and a bad person.

I am not defending Courtney's habits or behaviors - I am attempting to point out the double standard. We cannot chuckle when we hear about Keith Richards falling out of a tree then berate Courtney Love when she makes an ass out of herself. Either we love our rock stars for their faults or we don't. It should not matter what gender they are.

(Courtney in over the knee boots - courtesy of smart. read it. love it. blog)

Today in Boot Fug - Sienna Miller

Today in Boot Fug... Sienna Miller.

I think the Brits have much more 'name recognition' of this young woman - she's in their gossip rags on a daily basis. Here in the U.S., she's best known for being the actress chick that Jude Law screwed around on, and a beard (allegedly, as in only rumour, as in something one cannot possibly be sued for because I am only repeating what dozens of other much higher profile websites have stated so NO, D.J., you do not have to call your lawyer. Put the phone down.)

One of these days I'll post something about Tom Cruise just to watch you freak out...nah...just kidding. Even I'm scared shitless of THEM. No, really, put the phone down.

Anyway, my problem with Sienna Miller is she is one of the 'celebs' responsible for bringing in this entire 'boho' chick in fashion. Boho chick: baggy, shapeless sweaters, worn with leggings, with baggy - usually suede - flat-footed boots.

This is (barely) one step up from the dreaded Ugg Boots. Ugg Boots: a trend that should have never left Northern Canada and Scandanavia because they have a reason to wear shapeless, fleece-lined boots over jeans. When it's -30 degrees Celius, all fashion sense can righteously go out the window - even the most diehard fetishists can empathize. That's NO excuse for skinny hipsters to go strutting down East 3rd in NYC in them. It's never cold enough in NYC to wear these things. NO ONE looks good in Uggs and they are an abomination to femininity and boot fashion. You hear that hipsters? STOP it. You're hurting my eyes.

Back to 'boho chick': This 'look' was something former goth chicks like me threw on back in the late 80's to dash out to store on Sunday morning when we knew none of our cool friends would see us. The 'Robert Smith' sweaters, black leggings, and the beat-up silly boots we wore in senior high. We were tired and hungover so we had an excuse. Sienna Miller - you HAVE no excuse. For Christ's sake, you can afford a decent pair of boots with a proper heel.

And I cannot resist, I have to include the most recent Go Fug Yourself entry on Sharon Stone. I just. have. to. because it's perfect in nailing Sharon's unique kind of crazy-speak. Did I mention that her 'Basic Instinct 2' opened in 10th place this (opening) week-end and that it has almost restored my faith of the American movie going public? No? (snickering)

(courtesy of the Go Fug Yourself blog)

The Dark Crystal Returns: Madonna

I really try to like Madonna, I really do - but her face is starting to remind me of the female Gelfling in The Dark Crystal and her biceps frighten me.

Now I have no doubt that I will still wear boots when I'm 47 years old, but if I ever leave the house in THIS outfit, please feel free to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart and drag me home. I will thank you for it once I regain consciousness.

(courtesy of Go Fug Yourself)